As magical as Christmas can be for some, it can be equally challenging for others.
Christmas is a time when we gather with family. In some families, Christmas is uncomplicated and cozy, while in others, old pains can resurface.
We may have expectations and live in the hope that things will be different this year because all the external conditions are in place. Gifts are beautifully arranged under the majestic Christmas tree. A festive table is set with the most delicious Christmas food. And yet, it just isn't pleasant because old patterns and dynamics persist. Perhaps a few extra glasses of wine are even consumed to endure the unbearable atmosphere. The pain is further numbed with gifts and too much holiday food and sweets. The hope that Christmas would be different and better this year shatters, and one is left with the same old unresolved feelings and wounds.
Perhaps the above scenario sounds familiar to some?
And what can one do about it?
Take the time to align expectations both with yourself and with your loved ones. Talk about what is important to you regarding Christmas. Be clear about your needs and what you require – it's your Christmas too.
Maybe you need to set some boundaries and align expectations with a family member who crosses your boundaries. It's always important to base your communication on how you feel, preferably with some concrete examples so that the recipient understands your message. And, of course, in a loving manner – after all, you want to create the framework for a delightful Christmas.
Maybe it's important for you, from time to time, to withdraw – to have some alone time. Christmas can be intense for some, especially when gathering with demanding family members. So, allow yourself to recharge with what brings you joy. Remember, you can't be there for others if you don't take care of yourself first.
Even if you align expectations about Christmas, there are no guarantees that it will be entirely "perfect," but what is perfect in the end? With that realization, make room for any emotions that may arise and give yourself extra loving care if that's what you need. Sometimes, it might be your inner child calling for your attention and craving loving presence. Be conscious of what makes you happy and nurtures you; for example, you can snuggle up with a blanket and pamper yourself.
Christmas is often a time when old unresolved traumas surface, as it's a time when families gather who might not otherwise come together so often. If there is a tendency for you to experience the same feelings and frustrations year after year, it might be a good idea to seek therapy to address and resolve what is challenging and to acquire tools to handle difficult situations.
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