The most precious thing we have is our time. Your child deserves your time, your presence, for our children are also the most precious.
Becoming a parent is one of the greatest turning points in one's life, if not the greatest. Life is never the same anymore, for suddenly one is responsible for a little human being. It's so big and overwhelming that it's almost incomprehensible. One only truly understands what it means to love unconditionally then. In fact, to love so deeply that one would die to save their child if necessary. The initial period is experienced as a symbiosis, where one gets to know this new person with wonder and happiness. One is present, for one's child demands it.
As the child grows older everyday life sets in with all that this entails. The focus can shift from the tender time when time almost stood still, and presence was everything. But do not get lost in the rat race and social media, which insistently steal your time. Redirect your focus to your child, the most precious thing you have.
Suddenly the child is grown up and ready to fly from the nest. And perhaps you are left with a feeling that time just slipped through your fingers like grains of sand without leaving deep traces. Traces of memories of present experiences, running like a film in your mind.
I meet parents in my practice with children still at home, who are so busy trying to make ends meet, who are so obsessed with everything in the home and surroundings being so perfect that even a speck of dust must perish. But what price do the children pay for this perfectionism? And what price do you, as parents, pay in the long run when you realize too late that time has disappeared? Let the specks of dust be and sit down and be present with your child. Your child will love you for it because we all, regardless of age, need to experience being seen, heard, and listened to - an unconditional presence. Presence makes your child feel important and prioritized, and it reinforces their self-esteem.
I also meet parents who are so overwhelmed by being parents that they are afraid something will happen to their child, that they get caught up in horror scenarios of what might happen instead of just enjoying the moment and the presence with their child. No, we cannot wrap our children in cotton wool, but we must have trust that nothing bad will happen. We must remember that we are role models for our children, and if we walk around being fearful all the time, we also show our children that the world is a dangerous place. On the other hand, when we have trust, our children grow, and we equip them to become resilient individuals.
I am lucky to be a mother to two fantastic young women whom I love and respect above all. I consciously tried to be present for my children throughout their upbringing, but I must admit that especially in my last job, I was lost in my work. But my children are also my life's greatest teachers, and they lovingly pointed out to me that they missed my presence. It was a huge gift and led me to make a radical change in my life. And I am eternally grateful to them for that. Today, when we are together, I truly feel present without being on my way elsewhere. This realization has also made me very aware that when I become a grandmother one day, I will play an active role in my grandchildren's lives.
Because one thing is for sure, the day I lay dying, I will not regret that I did not have a sparkling clean home or created a fantastic career, but I will instead rejoice that I spent the time being present for those I love."
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